Sexuality is influenced by the many components that make you who you are. It is not just a physical thing, mental, emotional, and social factors all play a role in intimate connections. These components are influenced by

  • Identity, culture, ethnicity,
  • personal beliefs, family influences, finances,
  • body awareness, social environment,
  • knowledge about sexuality and prior sexual and intimate experiences

The power of Media and Societal influences can’t be dismissed. They perpetuate stigmas that tell men that they are to have four (4) hour erections. These same entities send the message that the primary role of women is to provide (and not receive) pleasure.

There are so many voices, sights and sounds that attempt to define/influence /and direct your sensuality. It is your intimate knowledge of self that creates the best loving and sensual experience, alone or with a partner.

Think about this, the clothes/products you purchase, food you prepare, and the car you drive come with instructions which teach you how to take best care of them and receive the greatest value from them. How are you communicating your inner and outer sensual desires to inform and educate your partner? Asking yourself the following questions can assist in your quest to explore and partake in all of your favor?

  • Each area of the body responds differently and requires a different touch experience for maximum pleasure, what are they for me?
  • How does it feel to be touched on each area of my body? Explore and acknowledge if touching certain areas makes you feel good, bad, or indifferent
  • How do I like to be touched to be aroused?

What is the best pressure and motion that stimulates the most tantalizing experience? To be the Great Lover you desire start with exploring and knowing your most intimate self. Your comfort with this will make it possible to explore and openly receive how your partner would respond to the same set of questions. Self-discovery and communication will put you well on the way to experiencing the freedom and safety of explosive intimacy.

Todd Malloy, MA, LMFT, CST is a relationship and sex therapist in in private practice in Charlotte, N.C. and on the teaching staff of the University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program (UMSHCP), For more information on enabling your inner power to celebrate and live an empowered life, visit www.ipcctr.com or call (704) 937-2286.